The Art of the Solo Date in New York (A 5 Step Guide)
How to make space for yourself in a crowded city
The first time I took myself out in New York, I didn’t think of it as a “solo date.” I just bought a new dress that deserved a night on the town. It was as simple—and as complicated—as that. I didn’t text around to see who was free. I didn’t wait for company. I put on my special-occasion lipstick, left the apartment, took the subway downtown, and landed at the bar at Il Buco Alimentari.
When the hostess asked how many were in my party, I hesitated for a second before saying, “Just one.” To my surprise, she barely looked up. “The bar’s open if you don’t want to wait for a table.” Turns out, the awkwardness was on me. To her, I was just an 8 p.m. walk-in on a Tuesday. That’s the beauty of New York: you can disappear in plain sight.
I told her I was happy to wait for a table. When I finally sat down, I ordered a glass of wine and lingered over the menu. I challenged myself not to reach for my phone, giving myself permission to people-watch or read a chapter in the book I’d brought.
One ricotta and truffle honey pie later, I realized I was enjoying myself—really enjoying myself. Maybe even enough to make this a standing date. I didn’t owe anyone conversation. I wasn’t passing time. I was exactly where I wanted to be.
That night opened the floodgates. Since then, I’ve taken myself on dozens of solo dates across the city. And in case you’ve been curious about trying it, I thought I’d share what’s worked for me.
Step 1: Start with a good martini
There’s something memorable about beginning the night in a space that feels composed. Not trendy. Just elegant enough to set the tone.
For this reason, I like to start solo dates at a hotel bar. When you think about it, hotel bars are full of people in transition. No one cares that you’re alone! In New York City, two particular gems come to mind: