The Five Stages of Falling in Love with New York
Thoughts on how my relationship with the city has evolved over time. Plus, my 10 favorite things from this past week.
Falling in love with New York typically comes in two speeds: Love at first sight and slow burn. Then there’s those who find themselves in the gray area — a whirlwind romance turned bitter ex you’re oddly creative about avoiding.
Some never leave the first stage. Others get stuck in a love-hate loop. But for those who stay, the city wears many hats as the years roll on. Here are the five stages of falling in love with New York.
Stage 1: Infatuation
You’ve arrived and everything feels cinematic. The skyline at dusk, the energy on the streets, the way even something as simple as grabbing a bagel feels like special. You say yes to everything—late nights, subterranean jazz clubs, overpriced cocktails with a view, dollar slices at midnight.
You walk like you’ve got somewhere to be, even when you don’t. You can’t believe you actually live here. Every moment confirms what you already suspected: this is the only place for you.
I call this the “even honking taxis are endearing!” stage. If you’re on the extreme end of this love-love relationship, (smart) friends start fielding your phone calls because you’re trying too hard to convince them to make the same move (“I’ve never felt so alive!).
(Yes, I’ve tried convincing all my friends to move here - twice!)
Stage 2: Reality Check
Then, the cracks start to show. Rent is astronomical, the commutes unpredictable, and why does it smell like that?
Your go-to bodega guy still doesn’t recognize you (even though you’ve swung by three times in the past month!). Was the city always this loud? A night out costs more than a flight somewhere else. The city that once felt limitless now just feels a lot.
You question if this is sustainable.
I call this the “realizing the cost of taxis” stage. Head to subway, do not pass go.
Stage 3: Resentment
This is when New York really tests you. Maybe it’s a brutal winter, a summer heatwave, or the umpteenth rat you see on your walk home.
You hit your breaking point. You start keeping mental lists of reasons to leave. Maybe you fantasize about the quiet suburbs and a dishwasher. You question why anyone puts up with this place.
You Google “is it time to leave NYC?”
Every conversation with another New Yorker turns into a competitive rant about how hard it is to live here.
I call this the “yellow is a dumb color for taxis anyways” stage.
Stage 4: Acceptance
But then, something shifts. You wake up one morning and realize you mastered the foreign language enough to get by. Things feel easier — what once overwhelmed now feel routine.
You learn the unspoken rules—where to stand for the fastest subway exit, how to spot a good pizza joint, which bar will have a seat on a Friday night.
You stop fighting the pace. Existential questions lessen their grip. The city doesn’t get easier, per se — you just get better at navigating it.
I call this “learning to hail a taxi” phase.
Stage 5: Devotion
One day, you’re walking down your block and notice the skyline, and it hits you: you love this place.
You catch yourself defending New York in a conversation. Complaining about it is one thing—leaving is another. Because despite the cost, the chaos, the summer smells and constant sounds, there’s nowhere else that makes you feel this good.
And that’s when you know: the city has won. You might pack your bags someday but that day is not today. And no matter where you go, New York will always be a part of you.
I call this the “jumping in the taxi” stage.
Friday Favorites: My 10 Favorite Things Around NYC & Daily Life in General
My husband, Will, helms one of the most popular newsletters on conservation and national parks. So is it any wonder he wells up while reading this classic children’s book to our six-month old? I think not.
I took a walk through Central Park this morning and buds are out in full force!!! I hope you’re ready for (way too many) photos of cherry blossoms!
Now that spring is two weeks away, the city is unfurling. I have a handful of restaurants I’m keen to try in the next month, chief among them is a seafood-centric sister restaurant to a beloved gem I recommend to EVERYONE! I made reservations at